I apologize for really crazy shit. Like manufacturers errors, wars happening on the other side of the world, and the radio playing a song you don’t want to hear. It’s this weird guilt i harbor for everything and for no reason, mixed with the immense, unnatural sympathy i have for everyone all of the time.
So, i’m kind of crazy with apologize and do it about 100 times a day.
HOWEVER
The crazier thing is that people never fail to accept it. No, “whaaat? That’s not your fault!”. They always accept it. Either i did all of these awful things, or my friends and family are just a bunch of dicks, and maybe need to apologize themselves.
I don’t know how i’ve resisted the cake in the kitchen and the can of pringles that has been sitting next to me everyday all day.
I deserve a medal.
sometimes
your best isn’t good enough for other people. And sometimes you knock your knee on a reach - in fridge at the starbucks you waste your life in and get a big bruise. And sometime’s your bed is even colder than you remember, but probably because its 0 degrees outside. And sometimes days just need to end because they start out so good that the only way they can go is straight down the shitter, and it is almost guaranteed they will.
and today has.
5 YEARS AGO
the best time of my life. ever. everything was awesome but here i am and here is life. and here is Roseanne instantly streaming on netflix.
goodnight, goodmorning.
THNX
So in light of my father’s suicide and my mother’s relapse and consequential hospitalization, I think I’m beginning to lose sight of what has kept me happy throughout all of these years of dysfunction, loss and general shittiness. Thus, I’ve decided to do a quick run through of what I’m grateful for. Everything that is worth waking up for.
My brother, who knows exactly why I am the way I am and loves me. My grandmother, who will always feed me and make sure I know I am cared for. My countless aunts, uncles and cousins who are an always looming, always present and occasionally over-bearing support system. For my cats, who always annoy me but will always equally make me smile. For soy lattes! The feeling I get when I take my shoes off after a long day. For talking to Jeremy every day when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. For my amazing friends who love me regardless of how messy, sad or stupid I may get. For mindless reality shows that make me feel normal. For the possibility to someday have children. For the future that I’m sure can only be more amazing than the present. For my huge, world-wide network of people who will always be there to tell me I’m great and make me feel special, even when I’m being a pain in the ass.
I’m grateful for chocolate milk, and the fridgeful of Yoohoo I have right now. For mornings I wake up early enough to eat breakfast. For video games!! For Christmas lights. For scary movies. For long drives with people I need to catch-up with. For spicy tuna rolls. For freshly washed sheets. For having enough money to pay the bills. For warm towels when getting out of the shower. For netflix. For costume parties. For my amazing co-workers. For having a job! For being blessed with having a whole family and one point in time. For knowing my father. For knowing my ridiculous little brother before he passed away. For the many friends I have lost. For the hope that this life isn’t the end. For sunny days. For rainy days. For road trips and meeting new people. For having the ability to make pretty much anyone laugh. For days off. For scented candles. For ice cream. For bubble baths. My cell phone. Crossword puzzles. Fruit salad. Sleeping in. Arcades. Haircuts. Babies! Paint. Clean laundry. Angry birds. Chapstick.
Friends. Family. Breath. Health. Life.
Here’s a picture of me, maybe 4 years ago. I’m on the far right. This is when I had enough female friends to have three around me at one time. Now I have maybe one or two. The one on the far left is Laura, and she fell off the face of the Earth. I’m not too broken up about it. The one sitting is still friends with me and has been for the last decade. Kendra is a solid bro. The one directly next to me is Lizz. She and I were inseparable. Then she went a little cuckoo. I was just lurking my own facebook and enjoyed reminiscing about the period in time when I could put up with women.
Just a thought.
this is real.
I am alone for the first time all day and i’m figuring it out. This is real. My dad is dead. He is gone. This is real.
Yeah but Christina Hendricks’ boobs. Seriously.
Out of control.
Stop being a child. The end.
Get over yaself. Girls are dumb and think they’re special and perfect. They’re not. There’s a million people like me and you and everyone else. Welcome to reality. Welcome to caring about other people and not only focusing on your stupid melodrama.
Just what I’ve been aggressively reminded of today.
